Revelations, Folks.
Not biblical, but those abound. That book of the New Testament being one of the older conspiracy theories. It is disconcerting when those events seem to be unfolding. I imagine the Bible is one of the foundational forces in the untethering of the human mind from engaging in the mundane truths of the human condition and current politics.
Outside of processing all the terrifying excitement of the new, wild American authoritarianism I try to keep grounded in the human component of my current life. That keeps unfolding.
Obviously, as I get older, that unfolding becomes more finite. The infinite unfolding of post-life is a mystery but I think we can rest assured it is a forever kind of thing. Probably an unconscious vacuum of nothingness, but maybe a little more exciting than that. Doubtful.
Here on the ground, I was in Albuquerque the last few days. Spending time with Dad and friends I’ve known most of my life.
I seem to write about this every time I make this trip. I’m not sure each time my observations are that much different.
Surprisingly, my father with dementia has remained somewhat stable in terms of knowing me and being able to engage somewhat. It seems that his past is blurring or melding into one big event. Things are not in context and without a timeline many memories seem a bit mashed together.
There is a baseline to who he is that is very intact. Easier to examine. A bit disturbing, but revelatory to me every time. A cautionary tale. Though that tale becomes less cautionary and more enlightening because I am old as well. I talk about this somewhat at length in my upcoming special.
My father is intolerant of a lot of things. Not on principle, but out of what seems to be irritation and pettiness. A kind of ‘fuck all of them’ type of disposition. By all of them I mean pretty much everyone.
He has no patience for chit chat.
He has no patience for how other people live their lives.
He has no patience for anyone doing their job in relation to him.
Has no patience for what he sees and thinks defines other people’s lives.
He has no patience for religion of any kind.
He has no patience for almost anything but he does nothing. He says he’s bored all the time.
He literally has no friends, interests or hobbies. He’s a ‘What’s the point?’ guy. He loves to instigate by saying provocative shit with no real knowledge of what he’s talking about. Just to get a rise out of people. Just to get that attention.
All these personality attributes are still present and most of them are attention-seeking. This is the fence around his fragile ego. If you call him out on any of it he retreats quickly and gets a kick out of it.
I have some of these qualities. Many of them I’ve managed to wrangle and choose other paths.
The ‘What’s the point?’ angle is tricky.
If you’re looking for things outside yourself to define your life you’ll end up pretty empty, bored and cranky.
He is impressed with me and appreciates my mind and life and has surrendered, probably because of age and dementia, a lot of the bullshit that used to give us trouble.
He’s still able to engage and listen and respond and have ideas and repeat them again and again. It’s okay.
He was able to remember pieces from conversations we had the day before.
There’s still some part of him that thinks he can give me career advice that has nothing to do with what I do really. It’s pretty broad.
‘You should start a company.’
All that said, I’m glad I have this time with him when we have it.
Today I talk to Mariska Hargitay about the amazing revelations in her life which she explores in her new documentary, My Mom Jayne. On Thursday I talk to record remastering wizard Chad Kassem.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron