Addiction, People.
I feel like we’ve been talking about it a lot on the show. It’s good.
I just watched an IG reel of women fake farting with their backs turned to their male partners for a reaction. I watched it like four times. I have a problem. A scrolling problem. I know I’ve talked about it before but I have to get a handle on it.
Look, the way to determine whether you have a problem or not is figuring out if it is making your life unmanageable and if so, can you stop. I don’t think my life is unmanageable. I do find my entire brain engages with the content and locks in for quite a bit of time but when I pull out I know where I am and reality doesn’t seem disappointing. The question of whether or not I can stop is valid. I may have to try.
Sorry, just took a hit. I just watched Rob Reiner discussing the scene with his mother in When Harry Met Sally followed by the guy who interrupts weightlifters and out does them followed by little kids seeing their grandparents after not seeing them for a while followed by an entire bull being cooked on a spit outside for shawarma sandwiches. That just happened. That's a lot. I’m crying. It was the grandparents one. It’s a legit buzz.
I have to kick.
I did some comedy last night and there were a lot of baby comics there, newbies. They were asking me questions. Looking for advice. I can’t really tell anyone anything other than what I know about how I do it which is not for everyone. The one thing that resonated with me in talking to them was the feeling of fear and nervousness about doing 5-10 minute sets when that is all the time you have in your act. There’s no back up. That’s it. Whatever it is. They certainly aren’t going to be your best jokes but they are the only ones you have. I remember that feeling of paralyzing nervousness about going on stage. It could be weeks away and everyday you’re just going over it in your head. Your brain is looking for a way to just relax about it but it's not able to find a way. It all converges on taking the stage and doing it. There’s nothing you can do other than know your shit and the rest is kind of a wild card in terms of maybe fucking it up somehow or the audience just not getting it or shit, anything could happen in a live situation.
I do not miss that feeling. Those original fears of living the life of a comedian. There are always some fears but those basic ones are behind you. I never want to feel that way again. Then I realized I am feeling that right now.
Alejandro Escovedo is here in Vancouver tonight and he asked me if I wanted to play a couple of tunes with him and the band. I said sure. I thought maybe we’d do a Velvets song or maybe some Iggy. He said Neil’s Like a Hurricane and Beast of Burden from the Stones' Some Girls record.
I know both songs but I’ve never played them. I’ve learned them. Now I’m just sitting in the fear of playing them. I don’t have the same confidence playing music as I do with comedy and I’m freaking out a bit. I’ve played some in the last couple years but I don’t want to choke, which I do, almost always. So, the panic has set in but I’m excited. At least I won't be up there alone.
I told a friend I was doing it. He said, ‘just have fun.’ God, I want to but I just don’t know where fun comes into it. I just want to do well. Even if I do, I probably won't think that I did.
I realized that the having fun part of whatever I do creatively is way down on the list of goals. I just want to land whatever it is I’m doing. I think I’m that way with everything. I have to lighten the fuck up. It’s getting late in the game. I have to figure out this ‘fun’ thing.
Today I talk to Wolfgang Van Halen about his music, his father, grief and the pressure of being the kid of a singular global talent. On Thursday I talk to Anna Akana. She’s a comic, actress and writer who I met recently who is doing a show about grief in the wake of her little sister's death and how it affected her life. Good talks!
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
