Weddings, People.
I went to a wedding this past weekend. It seems unusual at this age to be invited to weddings. It’s usually a funeral and phone calls about divorces.
It was a beautiful ceremony. My buddy Tom Scharpling and his fiancee Julia Vickerman are now together forever. I’m very happy for them.
The nice thing about getting married when you’re older or if you’ve had a wedding before is that you can really do it exactly how you want to do it with just the people you want to be there. It seems that first marriages and marriages when you’re younger feel like you have a big family responsibility and a lot of things that to worry about that may not really be about you. I don’t think Julia has been married before. Tom has and I don’t know what his first one was like but this one was stunning. They are both creative people and it was just a perfect celebration of who they are and what they will be. We had a lovely time.
I have had two weddings. One big Jewish one that got away from us in the sense that there was tremendous family responsibility and a need to include so many people that didn’t have anything to do with our lives. My second wedding was done in kind of a panic in my backyard before I went away for while and our fathers weren’t allowed to come. Both marriages failed for different reasons.
I am pretty committed to not being married again. I just don’t see the point anymore. When I go to weddings the happiness I feel for the couple and emotions I experience are countered by the feeling that I really blew it somehow. For reasons of emotional immaturity and seeming inability to have healthy relationships. Then, tragedy and loss later in life pummeled me. I am cynical and incapacitated about love and marriage and I don’t know if I will turn that around. I’m glad I didn’t have to make a toast. I think bringing that stuff up would probably be a bad opening for it.
Kit and I had a good time. Dressed up, danced, talked to people. It was fun. It had been a pretty trying couple of days so we needed it.
On Friday Kit’s car was stolen. That’s a huge bummer. She had to file a police report and tell the insurance company. I had to not make it about me and escalate the crisis by somehow blaming her or getting aggravated that we’d have to get a new car or any number of ways I could have just made it worse. I didn’t do that. I’m very proud of myself. Because it’s my impulse to make thing worse somehow. Growth.
Then, while we were getting ready to go to the wedding, after having accepted the situation and had a plan to deal with the car theft, the cops called and told her they found the car. It was literally a block away from where she had parked it. At that point she had to go back to her place and deal with the cops and I couldn’t go because I needed to be at the wedding. She would probably miss the ceremony and have to Uber there for the party. Again, I didn’t really know what to do but I knew I had to be at the wedding and she could deal with the car but it was stressful and I could’ve made it worse but I didn’t. Again. I’m amazing, just for being a normal person who can handle things. Growth. It doesn’t come easy.
Suffice to say, I am still not emotionally healthy but I can make different choices for myself in light of that as to not cause chaos and pain in others.
Maybe there is hope for me. I’ll get it right on my death bed.
We still don’t know what happened to the car but apparently old Hyundais are targeted for joy rides because they are easy to start without a key. Nothing was missing or damaged. Kids.
Today I talk to Sebastian Stan about the two very different movies he’s starring in that are out this week. Thursday I talk to Langston Kerman about comedy and teaching and poetry. Great talks!
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
