Hey, People.
I’m not losing my mind but it seems overloaded and shorting out a bit. I don’t acknowledge burnout is real but maybe it is. I am not sure what to do about it.
It’s been a rough few days. A director who I talked to on the show and I knew socially a bit has passed away. Jeff Baena died by suicide. He was a real artist and unique director and writer. It’s very sad. Then yesterday I found out that an old friend of mine, comedian Jim Short, passed away. We were estranged for a long time over bullshit but I talked to him a few months ago and we worked through it. He was ill. I was glad we were able to reconnect and let go of the past.
Life is short and hard. As I get older I realize that I have had many lives. I think everyone loses touch in an immediate way but I have no idea who or how the guy I was made his way through the world and survived.
When your life is rooted in a creative pursuit that you are chasing wherever it takes you and it is the most important thing in your life, your journey takes you to many different places geographically and mentally. To the point where you actually feel you have had many lives, because you did.
When people pass away, especially ones who you didn’t stay in touch with or ones who just passed through your life, the moments of grief take you back to who you were during that time. You can kind of get a sense of yourself remembering your experience with them and who they were in your life at that time. The journey you are on resonates in memories of relationships because you don’t really feel your brain changing over time that much.
When you don’t have a family, your history all lives in time spent with people who come and go. So, it becomes hard to see a throughline to my life. Just people, places, events and things that are markers and windows into my experience.
I have to get a handle on compartmentalizing all that I do and all that I think. The difference between what I do in the world and what my brain is doing on its own. It’s exhausting. I had a minor wake up call that I have to get my mind together and grounded.
I hit two parked cars. Parking. What? Yes.
I insisted, against the reality of the situation, that I could get into a parking space that I couldn’t. Turning into it I hit the parked car on my right on its back bumper. I hit it a bit harder than I thought. I could tell by the awful crunching sound. I backed out and tried to re-angle my car and, as I was easing into the spot looking to my right, my side view mirror dragged along the car on my left. A double-header. I left a note on the car on my right. The person in the car on the left had just parked. So, they got out and took my insurance info. The other car’s owner called me later. My bumper was cracked and needs to be replaced.
All in, about 3K in damages because I had my head up my ass.
I need to pull it out.
Today I talk to actor Adrien Brody about his career and his new film The Brutalist. On Thursday I talk to the genius filmmaker Mike Leigh about his life and his films including his new one Hard Truths.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
